Adoption is sometimes the right choice for a woman in a crisis pregnancy. Parenting is the right choice sometimes too. For some women, abortion may be their right choice, whether you believe in it yourself. It is presumptuous to tell a woman that her decision was right or wrong. You cannot possibly know that.

No one can know for certain, and she may or may not believe that she should have parented her child. Telling her that you believe that she made the right choice by choosing adoption may insinuate that you believe she was never meant to be a mother. It could make her feel that you are inferring that she would not have been a good mother. There is no way that you can possibly know that in most instances.

I understand that people who make this comment are trying to be supportive. However, even if you know a woman and her circumstances well, you cannnot really know for certain what kind of a mother she might have been to her child. Even if do you know her, you are making an educated guess and judging her.

Some birth mothers do not believe that they did "the right thing". For people to tell them otherwise is inappropriate, judgmental and definitely not "the right thing". This comment can be hurtful and even insulting to some birth mothers.

What can you say to be supportive? Do not judge her and project your "right" choice on her. Tell her that you are sorry that she is facing such a difficult decision. If she is in reunion, tell her that you cannot imagine how hard it must have been for her. Truthfully, you probably cannot even begin to understand, unless you have lost a child yourself. Let her know that you will listen if she needs to talk. Just avoid telling her what is or was "right".