This comment that I referred to in Part 1 made me decide to look up the word “victim” in the dictionary. I prefer to think of myself as a survivor rather than a victim. “Victim” has connotations to me of cowering in a corner, meekly accepting your fate and not speaking up.

Victim is what I had to be to allow my son's adoption; I went along with the plan. Even though, it felt horribly wrong; I let it happen. However, victim does NOT define me now. Nor does "victim" fit now for any of the feisty, courageous birth mothers that I know who dedicate their lives to improving adoption practices.

The victim role also might include someone who whines about their life “being ruined” due to whatever dire acts were inflicted on them. That is not me either. I have a very fulfilling, good and full life. I refuse to give anyone else the power to “ruin my life”. Whenever I hear that phrase, it grates on me because I am a fighter. The "bad guys" win if I allow my life to be ruined, and I will not allow them to win.

My life is under MY control now, and while the loss of my son has deeply affected my life, I believe that to not appreciate and enjoy my life would be wrong. Life is too precious to squander.

Back to the word “victim” though. If you look up the word in the dictionary it most definitely does fit many women who have relinquished babies to adoption. Many birth mothers were victimized and treated like criminals or worse. Anyone who doubts that need only read Ann Fessler’s “The Girls Who Went Away” for an accurate view of how horribly pregnant women young women were treated in the 50's, 60's and 70's. Sadly, there are some pretty awful tactics still used today to coerce and “persuade” young women to give up their babies.

To Be Continued.......................................