“Woe is me” – hmmmm, I have to say the whole birth mother experience does scream “victim” in many ways. It is not nearly as simple as a woman walking into an agency and saying, "Here, take my baby, I do not want it." That is not what generally happens. Women resort to adoption from a place of desperation, not because it is what they want. It is a great deal more complicated than merely saying that they "want" and "choose" adoption.

When a woman is tricked, pressured, shamed and lied to in order to get her baby,(as is sometimes the case) the word "victim" does not sound too preposterous to me though. Even if a mother willingly places a child for adoption without real knowledge of the true consequences, she may feel betrayed, if not victimized.

For a mother who succumbs to pressure from others to relinquish even though every fiber of her being screams that its feel unnatural, alien, and "oh so wrong", sure, she does feels victimized. When a woman is in crisis feeling weak, vulnerable and probably stupid to boot for having gotten pregnant without intending to, she is highly susceptible to the influence of others. If they give her advice that she later discovers was flawed, she might feel like a “victim”.

There are some people in the world who are able to survive and triumph over difficult circumstances in their lives. Others cannot. Unfortunately, I agree some birth mothers wear the “victim” badge and allow it to forever rule their lives.

However, I do not discount the depth of the destruction that birth mothers experience. It is so thoroughly overwhelming that I understand why some women do not have the strength to recover. Nothing else in my life has had affected my life as thoroughly as losing my son. The majority of the birth moms that I know are strong and courageous survivors. Maybe they were once victims, but they have chosen to throw off the label and work to prevent other women from being treated as unfairly as they may have been.

To Be Continued......................................