As some of you may or may not know, I used to co-write the advice column at Adoption.com. Even though I have not written the column for some time, I still occasionally get emails from triad members who find my email address in the archived articles.

Many of these emails come from birth moms in new reunions. It is a challenging time for them, and most have little understanding of the whole reunion process. Early reunion was certainly a thoroughly confusing time for me.

I have written about how confusing reunion was for me and how many conflicting feelings that I had. Early reunion particularly was troublesome as I experienced alternating flashes of joy and sadness. Whenever I discussed my reunion with non-triad members, they understood the joy. The joy of reunion was predictable and appropriate in their eyes.

However, the sadness was less acceptable and downright confusing to me and to others. After all, "I had my son back, right?" Therefore, everything was fine and worked out beautifully, right? Well, not exactly. Though my reunion experience was complicated by the onset of menopause at the same time(someone does have a sense of humor), conflicting emotions at reunion are common.

Hormonal imbalances can create alternating episodes of happiness and despair. Ask most any menopausal woman if she has ever experienced periods of sheer joy one moment, and then crying jags the next. Then ask a mother in reunion the same question. Combine the two, and then you will understand my life for a year or two.

As wonderful as reunion is, it does not "make-up" for the past and all the lost years. Reunion also transports women back in time to the most agonizing time of their lives - relinquishment. Nothing can erase the past and resolve the loss issues that it may have created. Reuniting helps resolve some of the woes of adoption and promotes a great deal of healing, however, it is not a magical "cure-all".

Back to the original question that I received yesterday, "Why Am I Not Just Overjoyed?". This came from a birth mom in a relatively new reunion. She and her daughter have been in touch close to a year and their first face-to-face meeting is in the planning stages.

I guess I am writing to you...gosh, maybe because I cannot relieve myself of the pain from within...I should be really happy. I just question myself as to why I just start crying, why I feel sadness, why I cannot be overjoyed.

Many women come out of denial at reunion and only then begin to face some of the harsh truths about the extent of their adoption loss. Reunion brings back the past for many birth moms and they painfully relive the experience. For most birth moms, bouts of sadness are inevitable at reunion.