Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.

Dorothy Thompson

Even the title of this article might cause some adoptees to get their feathers ruffled. They might believe that it insinuates that everyone should search. As much as I am in favor of searches, I do not believe in forcing someone who does not want to search.

Although I support search and reunion wholeheartedly, I generally resist the temptation to suggest a search to someone. I might ask them if they have considered a search, but even that question I do not offer lightly. A search is such a personal decision that I would never want to push someone to do something that they do not want to do.

Because I see the benefits of reunion due to my own personal experience and seeing others in reunion, I am often curious when adoptees have no interest in a search. Although I have heard a wide variety of reasons why adoptees do not search, I am always interested to hear what they have to say.

When I asked my son why he searched for me, he said he didn't really know but always thought it was something that he would eventually do. As we got to know each other better and discussed the subject, he said that curiosity was his main motivation. That rings true as he is an adventuresome type like I am.

My son also emphasized that he did not search for me because he did not know who he was; he was quite clear that he was very comfortable with who he was. Neither did he search for me because he was unhappy or troubled. In fact, adoptees often wait until they are at a stable point in life before searching.

The gist of the article is that some adoptees do not want to search due to various fears - fear of the unknown, fear of hurting others and fear of getting hurt to name a few. Fear is abundant in adoption and often people allow their fears to control them. Some will refute the conclusions drawn in this article. Another article by Shea Grimm mentions some of the fears that prevent some adoptees from searching.

Mo, Korean adoption blogger does not mention any fear of searching on her part. If I am interpreting her post correctly, she simply has no need to search, and many adoptees feel as she does.