Change comes slowly in adoption, but attitudes about certain issues do eventually take some positive turns. How adoptive parents feel about their children searching is one of those issues where a positive change in direction has definitely occurred over the years.

In the past, not too many adoptive parents seemed to support the idea of their children searching. In fact, I would venture to say that ten to twenty years ago, few adoptive parents would have supported their child's desire to search. Virtually no one supported searches a few decades ago, with a few exceptions. Many adoptive parents were petrified at the thought, partially because they were told that if they did their jobs right, their child would have no need to search.

Now, the tides are turning and I see many adoptive parents reconsidering that stance. Fortunately, many adoptive parents also are aware that the need to search is not tied to the quality of adoptive parenting. Some adoptees with wonderful, loving adoptive parents still want to search. Other adoptees with nightmare families may or may not feel that a search is something that they want.

A few years ago, I came across an adoptive mom named Colleen Buckner, who not only helped her daughter search, but eventually began to help others search. Colleen has been involved with Adoption.com for many years and is known as the "search guru". Some of her articles have been published including Relationship Stages After Reunion. My favorite article of Colleen's is An Article of Interest - a Letter From One Adoptive Parent to Other Adoptive Parents. I have recommended this article of hers to to many adoptees to help explain search and reunion to their adoptive parents. The feedback has always been very positive. It explains the mother-to-mother relationship in a very thoughtful and eloquent manner.

Not long ago, I asked Mo, from the Korean Adoption Blog how she would feel if her son decided to search some day. He's only two years old or so now, if I recall correctly, so Mo has a long time before he is likely to want to search. Mo wears dual hats in case you may not be aware. She is both a Korean adoptee and an adoptive parent of a child adopted from Korean. Mo responded to me in this post.

When adoptive parents support their children's desire to search, it is a gift to them. So many adoptees worry about hurting their adoptive parents' feelings with a search. Yet, secure adoptive parents are able to put things in perspective and support their children through a search and reunion. This is an encouraging turn of events in adoption!