Support them, that's what you do if your child wants to search. Finally, I have a simple, straight forward response for a question! If your child - adult or minor - wants to search, provide all the support and encouragement that you can muster. If the thought of your adopted child searching strikes terror in your heart, keep in mind that it probably hits your child that way too. They will need your support maybe more than any other time in their life.

Wimpy, insecure people rarely search. The whole thought of facing possible rejection is simply too intimidating for many people. People who search are curious risk-takers, and taking risks is scary. The notion that secure and strong people search is a novel idea for some. We previously believed that if one searched they were tortured, miserable and unhappy souls.

It is true that if one's adoption is a complete non-event, they may not be inclined to search. For adoptees with little curiosity, they may see no reason to search. Their often enforced separation has not been seen as significant in their lives. And yet, it is a huge leap to say that a non-searcher is necessarily healthier emotionally. They may be or they might be denying the importance of their adoption loss.

Little irritates some adoptees more than mentioning the mere possibility of denial. No one likes to cop to being in a state of denial. It does exist, however. I digress though...

If your child wants to search, support them and let them know that you do not perceive search as being disloyal to you. Let them know that your love for them is unconditional. Help them understand that their need for birth family is primal and totally normal. There may be some doubt in their mind and they may not understand why they want or need to search.

Deciding to search may be wrenching for someone who is adopted; understanding support can help tremendously. Many adoptive parents say that they become closer to their adopted child after a search. Deal with any fears you have and focus on your child's needs. They need your support!