Regardless of what we say, all of us experience guilt. Guilt is not always bad. Sometimes we can use it to make positive changes. Other times, guilt can overwhelm us and we become imprisoned in shame. Our responsibilities to ourselves and to others can be immense. We want to live the dreams we have for ourselves and to feel successful in our lives. We want to have our hobbies, our interests and our desires.

Even though all of us feel guilt, some feel it more deeply than others. It has appeared to me that guilt seems to play a more active role in the lives of triad members. We expect ourselves to handle every situation perfectly, but in reality we are not always prepared for what we encounter. The discrepancies between expectations and reality are often shocking.

Another way I found to try and defeat my insecurity was to begin by treating myself with kindness and I had to recognize that healing happens slowly. I tried not to set unrealistic expectations and not let others set timetables or pressure me into "getting on with your life." I do things when I'm ready, not because others are telling me to do them. I realized it is all right to be angry, to feel sad, or to cry. It is also okay to take time to lament and feel sorry for myself. I also had to realize that I can only be as good as my best. It's futile to feel guilty for what I've done before. I was doing the best I could at that time.
I have realized that all families' and people's needs are different and it is okay if they aren't the same as mine. Each moment gives us reasons to learn, grow and be better the next time. The key is to learn from our mistakes.

Over a decade ago I decided to help myself and others by turning my adoption experience into a force for positive change. I have volunteered my time and speak on adopted life issues at conferences, special events, and at professional training sessions. My time and commitment was a huge part of my move toward healing.

Like victims of crime triad members may experience a great deal of anger, hatred, self-blame, guilt and confusion. My sense of trust was shattered. I experienced a wide range of feelings and behaviors and even had little ability to control my emotions at times. Some triad members have experienced nightmares, insomnia, uncontrolled sobbing, occasional hysterical laughter, nausea, headaches, fatigue or just a general feeling of going crazy. These emotions are very personal and may continue for a lifetime.

You can benefit greatly from attending a local support group in your area. Telling one's story again and again can facilitate healing. Begin to build a network of support for yourself to help you get through the difficult times, and realize you are not alone. Many others have experienced the same emotions and can help you work through your experience. It helped me and it can help you to.