What happens when one person wants a continuing relationship, and the other one does not? What happens what there are conflicting ideas as to how a relationship develops? I understand that it is extremely difficult and at times, painful if one party wants a relationship, and the other one does not. Alternatively, if one party wants a closer relationship than the other does, trouble may arise.

Ultimately, you have to respect and be sensitive to the desires of the other party. Compromises can sometimes be reached. There is also a possibility that you may just have to accept any terms that the other party sets for the relationship. Alternatively, you could decide that it is not worth it to you to accept less than what you want in the way of a relationship.

The possibilities are endless, but you must decide what will work best for you personally. Maybe you want the relationship badly enough to compromise and settle for less than you would really like. It could be possible that it may just take more time to develop your idea of a good relationship as well.

Someone once told me that every day, every moment with a reunited birth family is one more than you may have ever expected to have. Knowing that it is not a given that a relationship will develop after initial contact is crucial. I believe that it is impossible to avoid all the pain that you might experience if the other party does not want any further contact.

However understanding the dynamics of reunion relationships can be very helpful in at least mitigating some of the pain rejection may cause. I think it is helpful to understand that people search not always in hopes of a relationship, but, sometimes just needing to have some questions answered.

I tried in early reunion to not have expectations. Despite my best efforts, I did have expectations. I soon learned, however, that I did not have total control of the situation. I could not force my son to want what I wanted. I eventually had to lower my expectations. In addition, I told myself to be patient. I hoped that we would someday develop the type of relationship that I fantasized and dreamed would happen. Like many birth moms, I wish we could see each other more often. However,I am mostly content now with the relationship that we have forged.