Writing about reunion and healing presents some challenges for me for a number of reasons. There can be no one on the planet who is a stronger advocate for reunion. I highly recommend searching for nearly anyone who considers it. However, I also want people to have a balanced and realistic idea of reunion as well, and know that it can only accomplish so much.

I want people to know that reunion can be one of the most life altering and powerful experiences on earth. It is important to me that people understand that reunion has tremendous possibilities to heal and provide some peace and resolution for triad members.

Reunion provides answers to many questions for those in closed adoptions, and that alone is generally very positive and healing. Knowing the beginning of your life story for an adoptee can fill in some blanks and be very comforting.

Some adoptees have said that until reunion they really did not believe that they were born. Of course, intellectually they knew they had been, but, the concept was a hard reality to grasp for them since they had few, if any, concrete details about their birth story. They knew nothing of that story, and thus, their lives may have had a surreal quality and some identity confusion. At reunion, many adoptees hear their birth stories, and it helps some to feel more grounded and real.

Adoptees generally know ahead of time that there are at least some negative aspects surrounding the time of their birth. When a child is relinquished to adoption, at the very least, we can generally assume that the pregnancy was unplanned. We can also be fairly certain that there were probably one or more difficult factors which contributed to their being placed for adoption.

However, at reunion, many adoptees are pleasantly surprised to know that they were loved and wanted. Many adoptees wrongly assume that because their birth parents relinquished them that they were unwanted. Their birth parents may have felt (or were compelled) to relinquish them, but, regretted the necessity of that decision.

Reunion answers questions, provides some peace and understanding and for some it helps resolve some issues. It makes helps triad members heal.

The question remains. "What Doesn't Reunion Accomplish?" Reunion does not solve all one's issues - adoption or otherwise. It is not a magical salve that will make everything all better. While reunion has many amazing possibilties, it does not diminish all the pain of adoption loss. Some may disagree and believe that it does resolve everything, however, I think most realize that it does not.

Reunion may not justify a mother's decision to relinquish. If her child has had a magnificent life, it does not necessarily mean that her decision was the "right" choice. Certainly it may make a birth mother feel better to know that her child has had a happy family life. However, her child might have fared the same or better had she raised it. She can never know.

To Be Continued....................................