When a mother discovers a child at reunion whose life has been scarred by abuse or dysfunction, it does not necessarily mean that her decision was "wrong". She could certainly draw that conclusion and feel tremendous guilt. It could mean that her child was unlucky to have been given abusive adoptive parents. However, had she raised her child, who can say that the child might not still have had an unhappy, difficult life. She can never know.

The type of adoptive family that a child is raised within is the luck of the draw. Some children "win" and others lose. Adoptive families are not a guarantee of a happy family, for they are subject to the same issues and problems that all families may have.

Therefore, although reunion answers many questions, there will still be some puzzling questions that will forever remain unanswered. The most significant unanswered question for birth parents is, "Did we make the right decision by placing our child for adoption?” For adoptees, the most important question is, "What would my life have been like had my biological family raised me?"

These questions can never be fully answered. Even reunion does not offer responses to these questions. Though it is counter-productive to remain dwelling on the past, it is difficult not to sometimes. Reunion actually brings these questions to the surface.

Some questions continue to haunt reunited birth family members even after reunion. The last step in healing is acceptance. Eventually you must let go of the past as best you can, and understand that you just can never know what might have been.

You do not forget, you do not "get over it", but you accept that adoption is part of your life. Part of your identity is that you are a triad member. How much adoption affects a person varies.

Ultimately, you accept your situation, move on as best you are able, and accept that you cannot change the past. Some questions will never be resolved or explained. Reunion can be very beneficial, but it can not explain whether adoption in your particular situation was "for the best". That question will forever remain unanswered.