These past few years I have become so much stronger. I know that I can and will handle whatever does happen in both my reunion and in the rest of my life. However, I also know that I love my son so much that it nearly takes my breath away at times when I ponder losing him again. Not a wise move to let my thoughts dwell long on losing him.

I have become accustomed to our warm friendship. I look forward to our chats, visits and our connection. It will break my heart – again - if he decides not to continue our relationship. As much as I tell myself how strong I have become; I had a tiny taste of what it will feel like if he does decide he must leave.
His presence in my life is important to me. I do not want to lose him, but, there is really no reason to believe that I might. Am I kidding myself to think it will not affect me dramatically though?

There has been so much healing for me the past few years and I hate the thought of reverting back to the sad place where I lived during those first two years of reunion. However,I have also learned how resilient I really am. It is an important discovery, very positive, and good. If he decides that he must pull away, he will take a part of my heart with him again. I will survive though, albeit with part of my heart missing as I did before he came back into my life.

He did call though. In the middle of writing these three posts about tears, and concerns that he might not call, the phone rang. The rush and joy at hearing his voice was intensified after my unsettling worries that something had happened and I might not hear from him for awhile. Those thoughts were irrational – scared birth mom thoughts often are. I am glad those scary and unsettling thoughts are rare these days. We chatted for awhile. It calmed me, soothed my fears and I am ready to fly strong again. All is right with my world again!