On Sept 9, my son's birthday, I talked about my extraordinary son, how proud I am of him and how pleased that he exists. I was feeling settled with our reunion, grateful for what we have.

Then, a day later, I had a meltdown. What to do, I thought in the midst of the tears streaming down my face? Do I pretend all is well, and just keeping on blogging about the usual stuff?

Next, I thought some more and recalled that we have had other blogger meltdowns. Chronicling our meltdowns gives a more accurate portrayal of our lives, for me that means being a birth mother in reunion. Although my meltdowns are much less frequent now than during those first couple of years of reunion, they still come from time to time. I suspect that they always will. It is just part of the birth mother experience. Thankfully, they are way less common! Ask any birth mother if the sadness ever goes away completely. If she says “yes”, I will immediately turn my thoughts to the “D” word, so prevalent in adoption, “denial”.

Even birth mothers that have accepted that placing their child for adoption was probably truly what was “best for the child” still have some pain and sadness. Why wouldn’t they? Why does anyone think that it is not excruciating to place your beautiful perfect child in the arms of others to raise? Knowing that you did what was best for your child does not make you love or miss them any less.

Okay, I am getting to what is causing the tears. I know the paragraph above sounds angry and bitter. Parts of the last few days have been difficult. A day or so ago, I spent 3-4 hours with birth mothers and adoptees in a monthly support group. More about that in a later blog. For now, I will just say that it was an especially difficult session.

To Be Continued.......................................