My name is Karen and my goal is to help those searching complete their searches by providing search tips as well as address the emotional aspects of searching and the how it effects our daily lives. I am an adoptee. I searched for my birth mother for 2 years and found a grave at the end of my search a little over 12 years ago. I was reunited with a half sister and welcomed into the family with open arms by many aunts, uncles, and cousins. Today, I have a relationship with my sister that is very sporadic. I have hope that one day it will improve and she will choose to let us be more of a part of each others lives instead of a letter or phone call once or twice a year.

Because searching, in a word, stinks. Closed records force people to go through an emotional grind mill, all to obtain information that any other adult in the U.S. can obtain without hesitation.

In the U.S., five states (Oregon, New Hampshire, Tennessee, Alabama, and Alaska) recognize the adult adoptee's right to access their original birth certificate. Some other states have varying degrees of openness depending on when you were born. And some are still living in the dark ages of secrecy.

Critics of open records often mention the birthparents' right to confidentiality and privacy of the birth parents. There is no law that guarantees privacy in adoption that I am aware of. Furthermore, I am not aware of any law that prevents two adult human beings from interacting with one another. If someone is contacted and they don't want to be, there are existing laws that protect them from being harassed. Sealing someone else's past is not a solution. Most adoptees are highly sensitive to the feelings a birth parent might have about the adoption, and have no wish to intrude.

It takes a great deal of courage to decide to search, and an equal amount of courage to decide not to. No matter what your decision, try to build a network of emotional support around you. Adoption begins with loss. Acknowledging that loss and your feelings about the adoption will help you to move forward.

Searching is just the first step. Once you have found someone – then what?

Search and reunion is a process, not a single event. Through the years I have helped, heard and shared in many of reunions. The best advice I think I can give is to take reunion slow and let things evolve gradually. I highly recommend that you and the family you have reunited with seek support from an adoption reunion group or other support structure. Reunion is at least as complex as the search itself and you will find wisdom in the experiences of others. By sharing your story, reading others experiences, attending and sharing at support groups or web forums, in my opinion, is important in the healing process and preparation for reunion. Both of these can help you to have a successful reunion.