Although I have discussed how to begin a search, a step by step series might be helpful.

Step One is preparing yourself for a search.

By preparing yourself, I mean to educate yourself about the possible outcomes. Many searching adoptees are thoroughly forewarned about a multitude of dire possibilities. Although it is helpful to be prepared for the darkest and most unexpected outcomes, I sometimes think we neglect to discuss possible positive outcomes. I believe that some adoptees are more prepared to find nightmare birth families than average and normal folks.

Birth parents will benefit greatly from meeting and talking to adoptees. Some birth parents enter into reunion knowing nothing about the many different ways that adoptees may feel about adoption or them. Adoptees benefit from meeting birth parents as well.

A balance is needed in your education. Try to find reunited triad members with differing outcomes and stories. Although there are some similarities in most stories, outcomes and resulting relationships (when they occur) vary greatly. Once you have an idea of many of the possilities, then resolve to be hopeful and expect a good outcome.

Read about search and reunion; frequent adoption forums and listen and participate. There is a great deal of wonderful information to learn from many adoption related websites. Adoption.com has a large libary of articles written by triad members. Hearing their stories can help demystify the process for you.

Although you can begin a search with no preparation, I think that you will be glad if you take the time to prepare yourself to a degree. Yesterday, I spoke to an adoptee who blithely gave the information to a friend that she had for her birth dad. Her friend had some access to a database, and said she would see what she could find. The next day, the friend had the birth dad's name, address and phone number.

The adoptee was not prepared to move forward with the information that she had received. She held onto the information for a full year before proceeding further. You cannot know how quickly a search may go, therefore some initial preparation is wise. Educating yourself helps you to evaluate and ponder what you want from a reunion. Some preparation before searching can be very beneficial.