In my life and in my writing about adoption, I am nearly always acutely aware of the need to stay balanced. Balance is so necessary in so many areas of our lives.

In my day-to-day life, it nearly always catches up with me when I lose my sense of balance. When I eat too much, I notice. So does my waistline! If I exercise too seldom I notice. When I sit at the computer too long, I notice. My hands hurt, I get stiff and realize that I am getting old! (Getting old? Nah, I am already there.) If I get too little sleep, yep, it is pretty obvious. Too much or not enough of any of my regular activities, and my life seems not quite right.

The tightrope I walk when writing about adoption is partially due to the fact that I understand that my "audience" is so varied. One area of concern for me is presenting a balanced picture of the sisterhood of birth mothers to potential or new birth moms.

When I write, as a birth mother to other birth moms , I constantly strive to present a balanced view of my concept of what life is like as a birth mother. Admittedly, it is a struggle at times for several reasons.

On the one hand, I do not want them to read my words and feel so disheartened that they feel there is no hope for them. Sometimes my dissertions on adoption are gloomy and negative. I do not want women to feel that should they choose to relinquish a child that their lives are over.

I want to avoid such negative views as to induce a woman to seek out the nearest available bridge to throw herself off. There is a expansive bridge in my area which is aptly designated as "suicide bridge". Several times I have heard of traffic being snarled for hours as police try to talk down a jumper from this bridge. I really want no birth mom jumpers on my conscience.

Hopefully, I want women to know that it is possible to relinquish a child to adoption and still have the ability to find some happiness in life. Not all birth mothers can recover enough to get past losing their child, but, many can and do. Happiness is fleeting and elusive for many people, not just birth mothers. However, becoming a birth mom generally adds to the mix of factors that may hinder a woman seeking a peaceful, happy life.

On the other hand, if someone reading were considering placing their child for adoption, in few circumstances would I encourage them to do so. From my vantage point, the cost is too high, for a woman and her child in most cases. I would never advise a woman to parent though if it appeared that she might be an abusive or neglectful parent.

For a woman waivering about her decision, I would recommend parenting classes and adoption support groups. I would tell her to hear the stories of as many women as she could who had taken each of the options she was considering. And then, decide what was best for her.