Betty Jean Lifton, a well respected adoption reformer who has been very active in the movement for many years, was scheduled to speak at an upcoming conference in NYC. However, read what happened to that idea here. She used the "B" word and apparently that was not cool.

The "B" word you say? Nope, probably not the "B" word that you might be be mulling over in your head. The "B" word in this situation is definitely not one that you might consider a word that you would be chastised for using. Come to thing of it, it very well could be now that I think about it. The "B" word that Ms. Lifton, who happens to be an adoptee, used was....."birthmother". By all accounts, she was uninvited to to the conference. In all fairness, she was later reinvited.

Guess I should not be so surprised though. One of the worst tongue lashing that I ever got on line was defending a birth mother who called herself a "birthmother". My theory was that we are entitled to use whatever term we want to describe ourselves. I received a long harangue about how it means "breeder", etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I do dislike the word "birthmother" used as one word. It does sound to me as though we are some sort of alien beings whose sole purpose is to pop out babies. Baby machine I am not. I am a mother who did not parent one of my children - i.e. a birth mother, or a mother.

When websites and books use the term "birthmother" to label a woman considering adoption for her child, I really hate seeing it used in that way. The word "birthmother" attached to a woman before she gives birth or relinquishs her child seems part of a whole package aimed to guarantee that she does place her baby. And, that.....is wrong,IMHO. We should be full of righteous indignation and protest when the term "birthmother" is used as a coercive tactic.

However, to invite someone to a conference to speak, and then try to censor their language, hmmmm.........
I also do not particularly like it when I use the "B" word, and someone shakes their head at me and frowns. They have been cautioned by someone NEVER to use the "B" word. Someone told them, they MUST use Life Mom or First Mom. I have no objections to either or those terms.....for others.

I prefer the term "mothers who relinquished a child to adoption" ("MWRACTA"), but, zowie, that is just way too long. I repeatedly tell everyone that I use the term birth mother as two words. Others may define me as they wish, however, I stand firm that I get to choose what terms I use to describe myself.

Oh well, M. wrote a great blog about it! She cracks me up! And people say that I am sarcastic at times! Apparently, the topic stirred up a hornets' nest. She received a ton of comments about her post - 57 last time I looked.