If I understanding birth mothers, I understand that when they relinquish their child to adoption the birth mother goes through a difficult time of emotional turmoil and questions. One of those questions may be “Am I still a mother?” Does my child think of me on her or her birthday? Will the relationship have a chance to grow or do birth mothers feel like an unfinished mother.

I really don’t think that the loss of a child can be explained easily. It is a journey that is more difficult than ever expected. There was a beginning but with the relinquishment of the child to adoption, there is no middle and no end. Everything seems unfinished. Hopes and dreams are fantasized about. The birth mother is left with empty arms and an empty heart. Can anything be complete when a child is lost?

We recently went through our third pregnancy lost. This last miscarriage has stopped me in my tracks and I have felt inadequate and incomplete. I feel as if I am never going to be able to see the rest of the picture. We won’t be able to watch our babies mature into young adults. We will never be able to see all of us together. The picture is always going to have something missing. The best way that I can explain this is that there are times that I have felt like an unfinished mother and everything seems empty and incomplete.

The reality is that whether the loss of a child is through adoption, miscarriage, death, SIDs, or any of the other possibilities the loss is devastating to a mother. There are overwhelming feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and feelings of failure. It is difficult to have a strong support system for the loss of a child through adoption and miscarriage. Very few people understand a mother’s explanation of feeling like she is an unfinished mother.

As for myself, I know what I need to do. I need to reach deep down inside and make a conscious decision to accept the way things are. My heart has been touched by pain and grief of child loss. Only then will I be able to begin to feel like there will be a day when I will feel more complete than an unfinished mother.

I know that a mother is never unfinished. No matter how brief the time was with her child the bond of love between mother and child was complete. A mother’s love for her child is never ending. Dreams may shatter and circumstances may change, but a mothers love remains strong. A mother is never an “unfinished mother.” A mother’s love runs far too deep to ever be called unfinished!