Do you think it would help if all triad members try to gain a more global perspective about what happened to each of the members involved in adoption. Especially since most triad members carry shame, guilt, fear, and a tremendous sense of loss. Some adoptees may have a belief that there must have been something inherently wrong with us. It is about being the “bad baby” and blaming the natural mother. This is how some try to understand what happened to us and why we feel the way we do.

Is there a lack of understanding in society? How about the therapists? Do most of them work with the adoptee’s false self instead of really understanding that there is a pattern for adoptees to hide their true authentic self and project the false safe self to the world. Isn’t it true that to truly understand adoptees then society must realize the depth of the issues adoptees have.

How about trust? Why do adoptees have trust issues? Some have deep seated trust issues. Is it about a loss that is so profound and misunderstood by most of society? Is it healing that is often the case for the natural mothers as well? Some natural mothers don’t seem to trust easily either.

Do you think that one of the biggest problems that natural mothers encountered is that they were told that they were supposed to go back to their lives and pretend that nothing happened? Correct me if I am wrong but during the closed adoption era most received no counseling and even speaking of it within their own family was taboo.

What about alcohol and substance abuse. I haven’t been able to locate any research on the subject to support my theory but I have thoughts that the two are connected in both adoptees and natural mothers. It may not even be alcohol or drugs but any addiction. Nancy Verrier and BJ Lifton both elude or suggest that there is a connection in their books/

Phenobarbital was given to newborns to calm them down because they cried inconsolably. Did they drug the natural mothers too? Nancy Verrier says that she hasn’t compiled research she writes that she has found an inordinate amount of adoptees and natural mothers who have been addicted to alcohol or drugs, ironically pain killers in an effort to avoid the pain of loss.