Adoptive parents, if you have a child or children in closed adoptions - this post is especially for you! Is your child still a baby? Thinking about that baby ever wanting or needing to search may seem a long way off. If your child is older, maybe they have begun to be ask questions about their birth family.

Closed adoptions operate on a simple, neat premise. A baby is born to a woman who then gives that baby to another family to raise forever. The mother who gave birth to the baby may or may not ever meet or know anything about the adoptive parents. The birth and adoptive parents do not have identifying information about each other. Generally that used to mean that the birth mother would never see her child again or know anything about the child.


It was expected that the child would probably never be curious or need to know anything about its birth family. Social workers used to counsel adoptive parents to "take home the baby and treat it as your own". Ouch! Huh? Adoptive parents were told that if they did their jobs as parents properly, the child would most likely never feel a need to ever find their birth family. So, how would that make parents whose children do express a need to search feel? I would guess you might feel that somehow you failed your child, but, that's not the case.


As for the birth mom, she was expected to "get over it", go on with her live and be happy that she had "done the right thing". She was to forget about her child and just move on.


As time went on though, some birth parents and some adoptees decided that they could not accept never knowing each other. Hence, the advent of the search and reunion movement which is currently growing by leaps and bounds daily. Type the words "adoption search" into your favorite search engine. Check out Adoption.com's reunion registry to see the numbers of people who have registered.


Will you be ready if someday your child expresses an interest in search and reunion with birth family? There is so much that you need to know that can make the whole process so much easier if your child decides to search. This article is a wonderful explanation and such a healthy way to view adoption. Article It is by an adoptive mom who helped her daughter search for her birth mom. I recommend it often.

For those of you able, take it one step further. Instead of waiting for your child to mention searching for their birth family, offer them any information you may have. Offer to help them search if they wish to. I have heard so many adoptees tell me that they want to search, but, are afraid to hurt their adoptive parents. Many adoptees fear telling their parents. Most of the adoptees that I meet love their parents dearly and many will put their own wants and desires aside in order to "protect" their parents.

Adoptees search for many varied reasons. I have never heard any, however, say that they were searching because they wanted to "replace" the family who raised them. Here are some of the reasons adoptees search. Why Adoptees Search



If you are able to be open, honest and supportive of the fact that the want/need to search is a natural and normal desire, your child will only love you more for it. Many adoptees have told me that meeting their birth families has strengthened their ties to the family that raised them.