Hooray! I received my first request to discuss a specific topic on my blog! Okay, yes, I know that I am easily excited. However, I am pleased someone wants some comments about a specific issue. As people read our blogs, I hope that they do ask questions, make comments and share stories to help us all learn. Here is the request that I received:

“As I've been searching, I often see the same issues those searching/those found. One of the major issues I have found, that no one really thinks about before searching, is bchildren finding bparents who 1. are in a much lower socioeconomic group than the child was raised in and 2. the vast difference in lifestyles. Both of these play a significant part of reunion. I have seen this so often, that I think it needs to be discussed. Would it be possible for me to write something on it for your blog?”

I had to smile when I received this comment, because it brings to mind a comment that my son made in his first email to me. His email came to me a day or so after we spoke for the first time. He said, “Well, now that we figured out that neither of us is a crazy druggie, we can begin to get to know one another.” Whew! Nice to get the important stuff out of the way, huh?

Here’s my discussion on this topic:

Of course, it is a possibility that birth parents could be in a lower socio-economic group and/or perhaps live a drastically different lifestyle. Almost anything is possible. Therefore, it something one should be prepared for. However, birthparents are not all alike anymore than all adoptive parents are exactly the same. Even if some birth parents may have had issues or economic hardships at the time of a relinquishment, people and their lives do change.

Another factor which may affect whether a reunion may "jell" and develop into a relationship is the lifestyles of each family. If one family values education, the other does not that could be an issue. Differences in political and religious beliefs can also affect whether the adoptee and birth family members have enough in common besides biology and/or their bond to build a relationship. It is something to consider.

"Expect the best, but be prepared for the worst" is a worn cliche; however, it is very good advice for those entering reunion. Your birth parents could be homeless, in jail, addicts or in any numbers of dire straits, and you should consider that possibility. I would not spend a great deal of time worrying about it though. It is more likely, I believe, that they are probably fairly “regular” people. Even if they do have some major life issues, they may still be worth knowing.

That all birth parents are unstable, shiftless, alcohol or drug abusing, poor dregs of the earth is a stereotype. Many adoptees that I know had very low expectations entering reunion. They were familiar with the stereotypical view of birth parents and consequently did not expect a great deal.
I would hate to think anyone would decide not to search because they are worried about discovering some truly horrible birth family. You can never really know until you meet and find them what they will be like.

Most of the birth parents I have met are stable, caring, intelligent people worth knowing.