But I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away

Paul Simon

There is always a great deal of discussion about preparing for the worst case scenario at the end of a search. However, I would like to talk about the best case ending after a search. I believe in most cases that would be finding a willing and eager family member who wants contact. In cautioning searchers about the worst case outcomes, I feel that sometimes we overlook the best possible outcomes. Therefore, many who search are not prepared or knowledgeable about how to proceed when contact is desired.

At the bottom of this post is an article I wrote which contains some of what I learned about reunion. I went into reunion “cold” with absolutely no preparation at all, no reading, no counseling, nothing to give me any clues about what to expect. Not only was I not prepared or expecting reunion, I had barely entertained any thoughts that it might happen. I was too busy hiding in the “birth mother closet” to consider search or reunion. This is not a path that I would recommend. All birth parents or adoptees should be aware that if they do not search, they may still be found. My advice is try to be ready!

When one is “found”, I believe that there are two choices. You can ask for some time to prepare or plunge in and learn as you go. I wanted it to be clear to my son that I was eager to reconnect and the thought of asking for some time quite frankly never crossed my mind. Had I known even some of the perils and possible landmines that lurk waiting for one during reunion, I might have been more cautious. Instead, starry-eyes optimist that I am, I just leapt into reunion with both feet.

Fortunately, my son was inordinately patient with me and I “got up to speed” quickly.
As soon as I realized that a reunion between my son and I was “in the works”, I switched into high gear and quickly began to prepare myself. Reconnecting with my son quickly became my foremost priority in my life. I was fortunate that my life was in a stable place so that I could devote untold time and energy to educating myself and finding wonderful support and helpful counseling.

My article on Reunion Lessons Learned
http://e-magazine.adoption.com/articles/414/reunion-lessons-learned.php


Someday I would like to find out the origins of this Paul Simon song!
http://www.paulsimon.com/lyrics/mother_and_child.html

P.S. The photo above was taken in 1951 at one of my family's reunions. I am the little girl on the left bottom corner reaching over to play with the baby, my cousin, Beth.