There is no perfect reunion or perfect scenario. Along with reunion comes issues that need to be dealt with individually and together. The definition of reunion is two people who are related but are relative strangers. Like in any relationship this relationship is going to take time, energy, and effort. It is a lot of work, it takes a lot of energy and concentration. With that said, I have taken a list of things that I have learned in my own reunion with my sister as well as others who have been in reunion and have listed some do’s and don’ts.

DO be honest. No more lies and serets!

DO share information that is appropriate during the initial call and later when you meet.

DO laugh and have fun. This is a happy time.

DO keep it simple. DO NOT search for both birth parents at once. This is an emotional time and can be a lot to deal with at once.

DO plan your first face to face meeting in a place that is neutral to both of you.

DO keep the first meeting short rather than long. The second meeting is always easier than the first.

DO avoid your first face to face a family function as a way to introduce or be introduced to the family.

DO keep an open mind.

DO NOT judge or compare the birth family and the adoptive family against one another.

DO keep an open mind.

DO have realistic expectations.

DO address how the adoptee will address the birth parent, other birth relatives, and the other way around. DO this in private and not in a roomful of other family members.

DO NOT compete with established family holiday traditions.

DO try to respect the other persons wishes.

DO be understanding and patient if the other person needs to pull back for a while. This is a normal part of the reunion process and the more fuss, or grief expressed by the one who is on the receiving end. DO be patient and seek the emotional support from a support group or counselor.

DO NOT blame your self for the issues in the other persons life.

DO NOT plan on moving in with your new relatives.

DO enjoy the reunion. It is a wonderful gift.