In a way, that statement is like saying "all that I have learned about people." Adoptees are no more all alike than all birth parents are the same. I know that sometimes adoptees resent being all lumped together just like birth parents often do, and I cannot say that I blame them. One of the most important facts that I have learned is that adoptees have many different feelings about adoption.

However, like birth parents, adoptees do share some feelings in common. We tend to want to believe that like birth parents, adoptees are either angry or happy with adoption. However, I do not buy that is the case any more for adoptees than birth parents. Adoptees have a whole range of feelings about being relinquished, and about adoption in general. Over a lifetime those feelings often change, and sometimes quite dramatically. It is very common for adoptees to feel unaffected by adoption until a certain event triggers some reaction.

How adoptees handle their adoptive status tends to fall into a few main categories, in my mind at least:

1) For some adoptees, adoption seems like a non-issue for them. Particularly if they have grown up with being an adopted child for a lifetime, it is all they know. It is their reality and nothing unusual for them. Speculation sometimes suggests that maybe they really are affected, but in denial. This suggestion is not one that adoptees like hearing. Sometimes during a lifetime this attitude might change, for others it does not. I cannot help but believe that adoption has some affect on all adoptees, but perhaps not acknowledging it as an issue is one way to deal with it. For some, it seems to be quite successful as a coping mechanism. Many adoptees in this category may feel no need to search, although some do. Their reasons for searching, however, may differ from those for whom identify issues, etc. are difficult for them.