"Grief and sadness knits two hearts in closer bonds that happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger than common joys." ~ Alphonse de Lamartine


Maja, our Birth / First Parent Blogger has already written about Concerned United Birthparents (C.U.B.), but, I would like to share my own personal experiences with CUB. For me, this group has been invaluable. Since I live near a large city, we are fortunate enough to have a large active CUB Chapter.

At the monthly support meetings, there is a good mix of adoptees and birth parents. Women who have relinquished children to adoption make up the large majority of our members. Most are older birth moms from the era of closed adoptions. However all mothers are welcome – closed or open adoptions.

CUB is an excellent support group not only for those dealing with reunion issues, but, it is a very supportive and helpful place to be for those considering a search or searching. Most CUB members are searching or reunited. Therefore, many members can provide useful search tips. Although many members conduct their own searches, others have used adoption searchers and/or private investigators. Therefore, members can also make very informed recommendations as to the most reputable, trustworthy searchers. Members also can recommend the best adoption therapists as well.

As Maja mentioned, CUB has annual retreats. I have had the pleasure to attend the past two years and have found the retreats to be enriching and powerful experiences. Meeting birth parents from all over the world, hearing lectures and workshops from the best adoption authors and therapists all add up to be a very beneficial and educational experience.

For me, however, the best part of CUB has been the camaraderie and the sense of family that exists amongst its members. Members share the angst and pain when rejected and/or struggling. They know that CUB meetings are a safe and supportive place. Meetings are a place to feel understood. The joys and excitement of first contact and other reunion “firsts” are shared as well. Sharing new photos after a visit with a reunited family member is a favorite and common activity. Tears of pain and joy flow freely at meetings.

Another benefit for me has been the opportunity not only to form friendships with other birth parents, but the chance to get to know adoptees. I feel as though I have learned a great deal from the adoptees that I have met through CUB.

CUB's logo is a mama bear with her cub. The bear photo with this blog is not the CUB logo, but another of my own photos.

http://www.cubirthparents.org/