Due to my involvement with the adoption reform community, I know many people who are reunited. Some of the people I know who are in reunion were the searchers, others like me were found. So far, I cannot see any correlation between those who searched and those who were found as far as how satisfying they find may reunion.

Nearly all the birth parents that I know seemed to embrace the idea of reunion although to varying degrees. Most of the adoptees I know tend to be searchers, so of course they are interested in reunion. I do hear about adoptees who do not want to be found.

A happy reunion - some believe that they do not exist. I know that they do. A reunion that begins easy and stays that way is uncommon, but that type of reunion exists as well. The majority of reunions take a great deal of time and effort, but eventually both parties are usually able to reach some comfort level with the relationship.

Even the best reunions, and ones that you might classify as "happy" usually take lots of negotiation and time before they might be considered "happy." Reunions are rarely carefree and easy relationships in the beginning. Sometimes they improve with time, other times they disintegrate.

How can you judge someone else's reunion and know if it is successful or not? Like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, a good reunion can be judged only by the two parties themselves. A reunion that satisfies one party may be totally lacking for the other party.

A good reunion relationship is based on all the same features that any relationship includes. When there is trust and respect in any relationship, there is a greater chance for success. Birth parents sometimes have to work extra hard to gain the trust and respect of their child. However, I think they should consider why that is the case.

If two parties in a reunion live nearby and talk on the phone several times a day, and visit once or twice a week, is their reunion a good one? What about if a birth parent and her child live a plane ride away, but talk several times a week and visit every few months, is their reunion good? What about two reuniting triad members who are separated by great distance and meet only once every few years, but talk on the phone weekly, do they have a good relationship?

Is a reunion that the two parties live in the same town, but see each other once a year and have little other contact, a good one? What about a relationship where the two parties talk on the phone once a month and visit once a year? It is extremely difficult to judge someone else's relationship and reach a valid conclusion.