Should birth parents from the era of closed adoptions search for their children? Is it better for birth/first parents to wait and let the adoptees search? Many birth parents are too afraid to search, and there are a whole gaggle of other reasons why most do not search.

Few of the reasons why birth parents chose not to search have much or anything to do with how they feel about their children. Birth parents do not search for a wide variety of reasons. Many of them feel as though they have no right to search. What do you think?

Although some people assume that birth parents promise not to search, that is rarely, if ever, the case. In fact, I imagine that in many cases, the subject of a reunion in the future may never come up. In the era of closed adoptions, most birth parents assumed that they could not search.

Some birth parents expected to be able to have contact with their child as soon as their children reached the age of majority. How do most adoptees feel about birth parent searches? Would they rather do any searching themselves? Would they appreciate a search and want to be found?

The responses to many of these questions will undoubtedly vary depending on the feelings of anyone who responds. Some adoptees do not want contact. For others, control is a huge issue and they might not want to be approached. The majority of the adoptees I know are curious and interested in contact.

However, I generally meet adoptees who are "out" and active in the adoption community. Like many birth mothers still "in the closet," I realize some adoptees rarely talk about their adoptive status. For those adoptees, being found might not be well-received. Birth parents need to be prepared for any eventuality.