Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am a strong proponent of adoption search and reunions. When people discuss beginning a search with me, I try to provide as much information about the possibilities as I can. I cannot tell someone if a search is right for them or not, but I can give them a great deal of food for thought so they can decide for themselves.

Only rarely do I question someone's motivation for a search. However, the truth is there are a few situations in which a search may not be wise. Expecting that a search will magically transform your life and resolve all your issues is not a reasonable expectation. Initially, a reunion may even complicate your life further for awhile.

People who search expecting that reunion will be the answer to all their prayers will probably be sorely dissappointed. To ask that a reunion solve all your problems is too much pressure to place on the event. To expect any relationship to solve all one's problems is unreasonable.

To search because you are filled with anger and want answers is also another less than desirable reason to mount a search. If I sense tremendous anger in an adoptee considering a search, I suggest to them that working out some of those negative feelings first might be wise. Beginning a reunion full of anger, especially aimed at the person you are searching for, is probably a recipe for disaster.

Many people considering a search may question their ability to handle whatever they encounter. However, most of us are stronger than we generally realize. For someone fragile emotionally, and seemingly not equipped for the rigors of search and reunion, I might also suggest that they wait before searching. If someone is not in the proper frame of mine emotionally, maybe they need to work on some issues before beginning a search.

However, most of the people I encounter who are considering a search are determined and not easily swayed from their goal. Fierce determination is necessary for a search and a reunion. Neither task is easy, and both require some courage and a strong sense of knowing that these events are journeys that you need to take.