People entering reunion rarely know much about how the process works best and make errors in judgment sometimes. Although none of the items below are certain to destroy a reunion, they might make the other party ready to retreat and run for the hills.

1. Call the other party on the phone as often as possible. Pay no attention to the time of day or night. Have no concerns as to whether you are calling too much. Ignore their signals if they do not sound glad to hear from you all the time.

2. Insist on being called "mom" by your child if you are a birth mother. If your child wants to call you by your first name, tell them that you are their mother and must be called "Mom." This tactic is almost guaranteed to annoy or anger your child.

3. Invite your child to every family function and be gravely insulted if they refuse any of your invitations. Stress that they are a member of your family and obligated to attend all family functions. Even children you raised would not like this mandate!

4. If you are a birth mother, refuse to provide any information about birth dad. Don't let your child make their own decision about birth dad even if they are an adult. Protect your child, even if they do not want to be protected.

5. Adoptees, introduce your birth mother to others as a "friend." She will most likely be highly offended and feel as though you are ashamed of her. That's okay, she is used to shame.

6. Keep track of every phone call and email and whose turn it is to call or write next. Never call or write until it is your turn. Be firm about this.

7. Question every decision that your child has made about their life and make it clear that had you raised them, everything would have been different. Then, let me know how this turns out for you.

8. Flood your child or birth parents with expensive gifts and expect immediate feedback. If you do not receive feedback immediately, scold them for their bad behavior.

9. Be clingy and pathetically needy. Expect the other person in your reunion to solve all your problems and act as your therapist. If they refuse, remind them that you are their mother(or child) and that they owe it to you.

10. Expect to make up for lost time and develop a relationship exactly like it would have been had you never been apart.

11. Be bossy, controlling and try to run the show without regard for whatever the other party expects and wants from reunion. If you are used to being controlling, this may be a tough one.

One or two of these, I will cop to myself. I learned from my mistakes as most people do!