I don't much like wall-to-wall shopping experiences any more at the mall. This photo is what the mall looked like as I left there this morning. I found out that the store I wanted to buy a gift for my daughter opened on Sat. morning at 8:00 a.m. Good mom that I am (sometimes) I drug myself out of bed and was heading back home by 10:00 a.m. Thank goodness.

The holidays are such a family time that adoption loss seems even more profound at this time of year. My concept of holidays is time spent with family - as much family as possible. Therefore, my relinquished son's absence seems more noticeable during this season of the year. Maybe if I am really fortunate he will spend a holiday or two with us someday; maybe not.

Do all parents relish having all their children at home on holidays, and miss one if for some reason they cannot make it home for Christmas? I think so. Reading some of blogger Sandra's posts, I know she misses her older children and her granddaughter who are about as far away as anyone could possibly be.

Family time is precious to me, I love having my grandchildren and children around. All those years when no one knew about my other son, I did not dwell on his loss. In all honesty, I was numb to his loss, and did not consider him "my" son anyway.

In some ways, it was easier before I processed the fact that he IS my son every bit as much as he is the son of the mother who raised him. Nevertheless, I would not trade the chance to know him for anything. Even knowing him in the limited way that I am able is something I consider daily, and am thankful for.

For anyone who is reunited, I know you understand the rarity of your situation. Those of us who have reconnected are still unusual exemptions. Even if your relationship is not all you wish for, knowing each other at all is still something to be thankful for during the holidays and all year long.