A negative response when contact is first sought is often not the last word. For birth mothers, once they process a request for contact,gain some courage and strength, they often do change their minds. Adoptees often may need some time to process and decide if they want contact.

From what I have learned about the make-up of many birth mothers, those who refuse contact probably so do because they are afraid to deal with their issues.
They are afraid to tell others, afraid of rejection, afraid that reunion will be too difficult; there are many fears. I understand many of the fears because I had all the usual fears myself, and know many other birth moms may have them as well.

If one member refuses contact, you are also free to contact other birth family members. I have heard of several situations in which adoptees have connected with other family members if their birth mother or father refuses contact. However, the birth mother is generally the primary family member that adoptees seek to contact first.

Birth mother rejection is something I have run into several times lately, and it bothers me a great deal. However, I do not believe in stalking or beating down the doors when it is obvious that a birth mother is unable or willing to have contact. Nevertheless, I believe that it is not nearly as simple as her not "wanting" contact.

Having spent many years not really ever believing that I would ever be in touch with my son, now it is hard to even think of how different my life would have been had I never known him. I love knowing him and enjoy our relationship and enormously. To never have known him, I would have missed such a joyful experience. The peace and resolution that finally dealing with my issues has brought is priceless. Knowing that healing is possible through reunion - for adoptees and birth parents - is the reason I am such a strong advocate for reunions.