So many important issues to deal with in adoption, and yet the subject of what words to use keeps cropping up. You would think that we had already beaten the subject to pieces by now. However, as I have mentioned before, I believe that words have enormous power. Therefore, I think it is important in adoption to choose our words carefully. I believe that it matters.

Granted, there are times when people are too sensitive. I also believe that we will never be able to please everyone. There are also times that it seems burdensome to have to worry about using the accepted language of the moment. However, we do choose our words out of consideration for others. That is important.

It frustrates me no end when birth parents bicker amongst themselves trying to tell each other what to call themselves. Why does anyone think that they get to decide what someone else chooses to call themselves? Do adoptive parents have any big spats about what to call themselves? So far all that I have noticed is the difference between being called their child’s mom or adoptive mom. I think in most cases, a woman is only called the adoptive mom just for clarification purposes. I seriously doubt that a child introduces his adoptive mom as anything but, their mom or mother.

We refer to people in adoption differently depending on who we are talking to, which makes some sort of sense to me. For instance, if I mention my son’s other mother to him, I always refer to her as his mom or mother, and I know that is always how he refers to her as well. On the other hand, if I happen to mention her in my writing, I use either “his other mother” or his “adoptive mom”. At times, I reason that if I must have “birth” in front of my motherhood, why is it wrong for “adoptive” to preface a mother who has adopted a child. Does that sound petty?

To Be Continued.....................................