One day, Tony confessed that he didn't like being the skeleton in someone's closet. He didn't like being the object of shame. With this, I was faced by a choice: I could, in essence, lose my son a second time to shame and society's approbation, or I could choose differently this time, claiming my son and his place in my life.

Recently, I have commented on how I sometimes long for lighter subjects. You know...funny comments made by my children or cute things that they have done. Many of our bloggers have young children, and relate some wonderfully amusing and poignant anecdotes about their children. My children are all grown, one with children of her own. Therefore,I have no cute little ones to share with you, except for the occasional mention of my granddaughter. I would like to write about the joys in adoption for me personally. Like Heather, crisis pregnancy blogger, however, adoption does not equate to happy times for me.

The subjects that I am compelled to blog about are heavy, painful and yes, sometimes not terribly fun to even acknowledge, let to discuss them. I struggle to lighten up at times, but, alas, my subject matter does not allow too much happy talk. Are you ready to run yet? Because today I am going to blog about....shame. Here's where I wish for sound effects - a drum roll would be nice about now.

Adoptees, including my own son, have become very dear to me, and I have a particular affection for them. In some ways, I feel as though life handed them a fate that is sometimes unfair and hurtful to handle. I know that not all adoptees feel that way, but, many of the adopted persons that I know do have various painful issues to deal with due to their relinquishment and/or adoption.

One issue that I have written about on several occasions is how it hurts our children at reunion when we birth parents still refuse to acknowledge them to the world. Several adoptees I know personally have had experiences in which their birth moms still wanted to keep them hidden to the world. It is all about the shame. "What will people think?" - that query is the whole crux of the matter. Not only what people will think is a concern, but in turn, how will they treat you when they know.

Will they ostracize, reject and shun you? Will their opinions of you dramatically change? Maybe, maybe not. I understand these fears of telling others about a relinquished child. I lived in fear for 30+ years and did not tell a soul. Yes, it was due to the shame mainly. There was some room for fear, regret, guilt and a few other emotions, but, the shame stood out.

This article was written by a birth mom who received an ultimatum from her son during reunion. Her choice was to acknowledge her son to the world or lose him a second time because she was too debilitated by her own shame and fear. Read how she handled this dilemma here.