.........When an Open Adoption was Closed?


A few birth moms that I know relinquished children to adoptions that were supposed to be open. Somewhere along the line, the adoptive parents decided to abruptly close the adoption. One birth mom that I know found out in a cold, harsh manner through the adoption agency.

The adoptive parents sent the agency a letter and said that they had changed their minds, and had decided that it would be too confusing and too difficult to allow contact. They said they felt that it would be better for the birth mother to just move on with her life.

When an adoption that was supposed to be open is closed, how do both sets of parents act towards each other at reunion? Can birth mothers forgive the adoptive parents for reneging on their promises for contact? Should they be expected to? How do adoptive parents react towards a birth mother knowing that she is aware of what they did? Will they worry that she may tell their child, and try to turn the child against them?

I have found it interesting to see how a few birth mothers have handled this complicated reunion issue.
For birth moms who may still be angry at adoptive moms who betrayed their trust, I am amazed at how some are able to get past those feelings at reunion. What choice is there for them though? They understand that to hold onto their feelings of betrayal will not be good for their child.

Must they pretend that it never happened? The closing of the adoption, that is. I have no easy answers for this difficult situation. Although I do not believe they can or should pretend that it never happened, I think that they must not allow it to cloud their reunion. As I think about it though, I wonder, how much I could forgive someone who had inflicted such a wound on me?