In Part 1, I commented on how difficult it could be for a birth mother who had named her child to call her child by a different name at reunion. I wonder how many birth moms whose children were not adopted at birth are unable to ever to make the switch?

Is there is a subconscious desire to not accept that the child has another name? Perhaps, it is a stubborn conscious refusal? I have heard from several adoptees whose birth mothers refused to call them by their adoptive names. Others said that their birth moms often “slipped” and called them by their birth names.

For some adoptees, they may be upset at their birth mother’s refusal to refer to them by their adoptive name; others take it in stride and understand. I imagine that suddenly being called a different name could feel uncomfortable and/or annoying. Conversely, depending on how an adoptee feels about their birth mother, they might enjoy being referred to by their original name. Their reactions could also be somewhere in between as well.

What does compel birth mothers to refuse to acknowledge the names that their children were given by their adoptive parents? Could it be that these mothers are unwilling to use their children's adoptive names as a way of rebellion? Do they feel as if they had so little control that they need to cling to the name that they chose for their children? Birth parents give up so much, can some not bare to give up their children’s original names as well? I honestly do not know.

As in many situations that arise in adoption reunions, I think we all need to reach deeply into ourselves and make every effort to understand the other party. We also need to try our best to respect their wishes within reason or compromise when possible.

Birth mothers need to remember that it is unreasonable to expect their child to suddenly respond to a different name. Adoptees in turn should try to understand what motivates their birth mothers’ refusal to use their adoptive names. Being sensitive and respectful to the other party in reunion is always a good goal.

To Be Continued.....................................