One of the first thoughts that runs through an adoptee's mind after they begin a search is "Will my birth mother want to be found? My friend Mary was no exception.

We met during an adoption related event a few years ago. There was ample time to talk and get to know one another both at pre-event meetings and on the day of the event. As we chatted, I discovered that Mary was an adoptee considering a search for her birth mother.

At that time, Mary was in her late 40’s. Being the passionate lover of search and reunion that I am, I offered her all the encouragement I could. I told her that I would help her to initiate a search when she was ready. Like many adoptees who search (and probably birth parents as well), she had a strong desire to find birth family. However, she also had some hesitancy as well.

Mary told me that she had obtained her non-id a few years ago and had learned several interesting facts about her birth mom. She had also determined that the county that she was born and adopted in allows adoptive parents to obtain adoption records and/or original birth certificates for their children.

Though it is not set in stone, there are several counties in California which are called “open counties” which allow this access to records.

However, my friend hesitated to ask her adoptive mom to request her adoption records. First and foremost was the fact that her adoptive mom had never openly admitted that Mary even had been adopted. Neither did she acknowledge that her two brothers also had been adopted.

As the oldest child in the family, Mary remembered both brothers coming into the family. She also knew that she had never seen her mother pregnant. Even when Mary asked her mother as an adult, however, she brushed aside any suggestion that her children were not her biological children.

Therefore, Mary was hesitant to act on her strong desire to find her birth family.

....................To be continued...............