Like “location, location, location” in real estate, timing is crucial in adoption search and reunion. Although you may choose to search when the timing is optimal for you, there is no way of knowing whether the timing is right for the person that you are searching for. You cannot know, so you take a leap of faith and hope for the best.

Since you do not know about the other party, you need to figure out when the timing is right for you and hope that your birth family member is ready as well. Although it helps to prepare yourself before a search, there is no magical perfect time. If you have a strong urge to search, the timing is ripe.

Sometimes family members tell an adoptee or birth mom that they think she or he should search. However, do not allow someone else to pressure you into searching before you are ready. It's great if someone encourages you, but there is a difference between support and hounding someone.

It is wise to keep in mind that if your birth family member is not ready to reunite, you may need to be patient and wait for awhile. Each situation is different. I know different instances in which it has taken weeks, month or even a year in one situation for the other party to come around and feel ready. Sometimes, the other party may never want to reunite, but this is not the usual response.

Once contact is established, you need to eventually decide when the timing is right for a first face-to-face meeting. Both parties need to feel comfortable with the timing of that first meeting.

Throughout a reunion relationship, try to let new "firsts" unfold slowly and when each party is ready. Reunion relationships are fragile, particularly in the beginning. By new "firsts," I mean the first meeting, gift, holidays spent together are examples of typical reunion "firsts."