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Asking yourself what you hope to find when you make contact will help you focus your thinking. Exploring ideas of what the other person may be thinking and feeling will help you to develop empathy.
Meeting other birth parents – but not your own birth parents – can help you feel the range of feelings and adjust to different scenarios. Meeting other people from your own past, such as an agency social worker or former foster parent will help you connect with the feeling of meeting someone who really cared for you and thinks about you from time to time.
Before beginning to search, it may be helpful to explore feelings and fears. Setting a level of expectations by asking yourself, “What do I hope to get out of a search? What would the ultimate outcome be?” Be prepared ahead of time for the various possibilities.
As much as you think you are prepared, there are always things you cannot anticipate as you begin your search and are reunited. While it can be helpful to be aware of the many issues that might come up, there comes a point where you need to simply trust that you can handle whatever might arise. It is very realistic that a search can end with a grave for both the adoptee and the birth parents. Other realistic unexpected results of a search could be a mental institution or where the other party only wants to meet one time. Meaning that reunion is the first, last, and only time you see each other. In other words, prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
By understanding the experience of the person you are searching for, you will be better prepared for when and if you do talk or meet. The person searching can be unprepared but you can’t ever be over prepared. Lack of preparation can cause trouble in your new relationship that could have been avoided with some preparation.
