On with the debate... Part 1 is here. Maybe we should get an equal number of birth moms, adoptive moms and adoptees in a room together and duke it out – like Sandra and I did recently on-line.

Do you think then that we could come up with a consensus on the best words to use in adoption? What would it take for that to happen? Think it would work? Would there be enough agreement on any words, or would it be an impossible feat? What if the majority ruled?

Are adoptive parents content with most of the terminology of PAL (Positive Adoption Language)? I know few birth parents that are fond of many of the PAL terms. Wasn’t PAL devised by an adoptive parent? There’s the rub in a nutshell. If there is to be agreed upon language, universally used, shouldn't an equal number of triad members be included in creating the language? Traditionally, the adoptive parents have “run the show” in adoption.

They had the control and power and did not like the term “natural” mother. Therefore, a term less offensive to them was created. “Gave away” sounded too harsh, so we prettied that term up as well. I do agree with not using harsh terminology in front of young children. However, children are often bright and perceptive creatures. They know that "placed for adoption" equates to being given away.

Some adoptive parents are now fearful that the pendulum is now swinging in the other direction, and birth parents are getting too much power. We now have some choices as to what to call ourselves for one thing. Frankly, even that is making some adoptive parents uncomfortable. However, after so many years of having no power, can’t you understand why many birth parents are screaming their lungs out? We want to be heard, we want some control and respect. It is not that we want to trample any one else’s rights or feelings either. Is that so hard to understand?