Whenever someone begins a search, one of the first steps to take is to obtain your non-identifying information. What you find on your own copy of your non-id may vary depending on who compiled it.

It just dawned on me recently that nothing was ever mentioned to me about non-identifying information when I relinquished my son. No one told me that based on the facts that I gave them, that they would be putting together a few sheets of information that my son would someday receive. I do recall that they asked me some basic questions about both me and birth dad. However, I figured that it was all routine information that would simply be in the file. I thought that the information would be forever relegated to some dusty file drawer.

I wonder how many birth moms know that whatever is in the non-identifying information may be someday provided to their child? Of course, most of the information is simply factual items such as family history, job history, medical history, schooling, ethnicity, etc.

However, there is one very significant piece of information that is often provided in the non-id. That piece of information is the reason that the child is being relinquished/placed for adoption. Had I known that bit of information would someday be provided to my son, I would like to have had some input into how that particular “fact” was worded. Had I known that my son would someday see in print why I had not “kept” him, I would have made sure that he knew that it was not because I did not love or want him.

As it turned out, the "reason" my son read on his non-id gave no indication that I cared about him or showed any hesitation or regret about my decision. The reason listed was brief and sounded like a choice made by someone very unfeeling, uncaring and cold, as though it was of no consequence.

One night early in reunion, my son had his non-id info nearby as we were chatting on the phone. He related some of the “facts” on the paperwork that he had laid out in front of him. Some of what he read to me sounded about right. Other pieces of information sounded like pure fiction and I wondered where the info came from.

However, the one “fact” that really did not ring true was why I had relinquished my son. When he read that particular bit of informiation, I was quite perturbed at what he read to me. I told him that it was not very accurate in my opinion. It was disturbing to me how cold and unemotional the reason for his relinquishment sounded.

Later on, as I was helping with a search for a young man about my son's age, I read the exact same wording of the reason for his relinquishment from the same agency. Apparently, some agencies have “stock” reasons for relinquishment. It made me wonder if they spin a dial, flip a coin or maybe they have a dartboard with “reasons”?

My point is that all the information one finds on the non-identifying information may not be 100% accurate. The non-identifying information could be entirely factual, peppered with inconsistencies or mostly fictional. The info is generally compiled by a social worker who may be somewhat creative or simply draw conclusions which might not be accurate. However, I believe that in most cases, the non-id is fairly accurate for search purposes.