What are other negative aspects of a search? Personally, I hate to hear when people forego a search due to worries of hurting either birth or adoptive parents. For birth parents, reunions can sometimes be very positive and help them heal. Most adoptive parents want what is best for their children, and sometimes that is an adoption search and reunion. Adoptive parents are less hurt if they understand the reasons and dynamics of search and reunion.

Until you search and locate your child or birth parent, you cannot know whether the timing is the best or worst time for a reunion. If the timing for a reunion is not right for the other party, be prepared to wait for however long it takes them to feel ready. Your child or birth parent can and likely will tell you if they are unable to handle a reunion when they are contacted. Try to understand and not take it personally. I know that it it cannot be easy not to take be hurt by rejection. Rejection feels very personal.

The Cons of a search? A search leads you to an unknown conclusion. It is a risk, and not all of us are risk takers. A search might rock your world. If you are someone who craves sameness, maybe a search is not for you. When you have no curiosity or a need to know, you may not want to search. If there is no room in your life for anyone else, you might have no interest in a search. When not knowing about medical information does not bother you, you might not feel a need to search.

If fear of rejection is too high a price to pay, you may not be willing or interested in a search. A search may involve more time, energy and commitment than you feel willing to give it. You might feel no need to offer any healing or resolution to your child or birth parent. There are many reasons to not choose to search, but the best reason is that you simply do not want or need to do so.