For someone who wants to search, it might be hard to understand why someone would not wish to search. However, so many factors shape our personalities, and in turn reasons for and against searching. Although I can cite a variety of reasons that a search is a good idea, it is much more challenging for me to cite the negative aspects of a search.

So many of the reasons I hear people cite for not searching don't seem reasonable or make much sense to me. However, I know that it isn't my place to judge other people's reasons. They must do what they believe is right for them. Many adoptees worry that a search will hurt their adoptive parents. Yet, I know that many adoptive parents have big enough hearts to not feel threatened when their child searches and/or reunites. The more educated adoptive parents are about reunions, the less threatened they are. "Threatened" - I know sometimes adoptive parents do not like people to insinuate that a search threatens them. However, I have heard some adoptive parents acknowledge that having their child search feels threatening to them.

Back to negative aspects of a search, why somewhat does not want to search or should not are not exactly the same thing. There is only one really solid reason in my mind why someone should not search. Well, maybe not, there are a couple of reasons. I believe that no one should search unless they really want to do so. One of the few times that I believe that a search is unwise is when someone is fragile mentally, and does not believe that they could survive rejection.

An adoption search could be unwise if you are already overcommitted and have little time or energy for a reunion. However, I do not suggest waiting forever either if a search is something that you want to do. Waiting too long can have sad results. If you wait too long, the object of your search may not still be alive.