One of my recent posts discussed possible fears that adoptees might have about searching. While I believe that it is wise to examine one’s fears before a search, I do not want to discourage anyone from searching. Therefore, I want to talk about some of the joys of reunion as well.

I am a staunch advocate for search and reunions and I need to make that clear. Guess, considering that I am even doing this blog, it might be obvious though! Even though I have seen good and bad reunions, no one that I know regrets their search. I am certain that there are a few rare exceptions.

Reunion relationships are a constantly evolving process as well. Most strong relationships take a great deal of time to develop. I believe too that reunion relationships are more difficult to forge than the average relationship because they are such a complex entity. There is so much baggage to overcome to make a reunion relationship thrive and continue.

Only the person searching or considering a search can decide whether reunion is worth the risk to them. I believe very fervently though that reaching out to another person always involves some risk and that there will always be some potential to be hurt. On the other hand, I also believe that the benefits of a strong solid relationship outweigh the possible risks.

My own personal history with relationships colors my view on this. I have had a few negative relationships in my lifetime. However, I have had the good fortune to have some really positive, worthwhile and life-affirming relationships as well. I imagine that my history makes me believe in the possibilities for healthy, nurturing and positive relationships. Sometimes I imagine that people lose hope if they have one bad relationship after another.

As for reunion relationships specifically, I consider my connection with my son a very positive and rewarding experience. Most reunion relationships that I have observed are mostly positive as well. Obviously, some reunions run smoother and develop into better relationships than others, but I feel it is generally worth the risk to search and attempt a reunion.

I comment frequently that getting to know my son has been one of the most fulfilling and healing relationships of my life. Our relationship has also aided me greatly in achieving some peace and resolution.