One thing that is very important once contact is made is mutual respect. In fact, it is essential that you all mutually agree to respect and accept one another.

When meeting face to face, it should be planned based on the pace of the slowest person. You may have searched and had several years to prepare for this but the person you have found has not. They need this time to prepare themselves. First contact is often a huge shock to the person who has been found.

After contact has been made, the next step is to set up a face to face meeting assuming that is what everyone wants. Some triad members will exchange photographs and letters to begin. There is no right or wrong amount of time from first contact to meeting face to face. This is an excellent way to get to know one another in a safe or less threatening manner. You are also learning important information about each other.
Like I said, there is no right or wrong or time line. The first meeting can take place after one phone call, or after months or even years or after communicating by phone or letter.

When you do meet, it is suggested to meet in a neutral location so that everyone can feel comfortable.

Having someone come with you for support may seem like a good idea but I think it is best to meet alone given the nature of this first meeting. Other family members can meet later if it is desired.
The first meeting is emotional and it is normal to feel any range of emotions from joy to sadness and anger. If it important to acknowledge your feelings and be clear about future contact and wishes as misunderstandings can occur if emotions are charged.

After first reunion some folks have described their feelings and very happy. They have felt an instant connection to one another and are able to easily share their stories. There are some that feel powerful and exciting attachment to the other person and the relationship begins well and continues to grow into the future.

Some folks will feel rejected and there are a variety of reasons. The other person may not have had time to prepare for the face to face meeting. The found person may have been trying to forget and can’t deal with the reality of the meeting. Some may feel content in their lives and they don’t want to disturb their current existence. There are some that may not feel any relationship with the person they met and may be too different from one another to have a common meeting point.
Some may learn of disturbing situations. Some adoptees are born as a result of rape, incent or parents are found with extensive criminal histories, handicaps, or mental illness. If you are a birth parent and you find your child in jail or disabled, it can also be disturbing for the birth parents.

The person you have found often times looks like the searcher. Comparing looks, touching and hugging is normal and healthy. If you feel a sexual attraction to one another although common in adoption reunions you should seek counseling in dealing with these feelings.