Some people are not adept at letter writing and would prefer contact via the telephone. This method has its pros and cons as does any method. If you decide that telephone is how you would prefer to communiciate initially, there are several points to keep in mind.

Ask the person as soon as the conversation begins if this is a convenient time for them to talk. There could be someone nearby who does not know about the adoption in which case the person you contact may not feel free to talk. If they indicate that it is not a good time for them to talk, give them your phone number or ask when you might call back.

One of the trickier aspects of a phone call is that the person may immediately jump to the conclusion that you are a telemarketer or salesperson and not want to talk at all. An advantage of first contact via telephone could be instant gratification (or rejection). However, initial contact by telephone may be a huge shock to a person, and if there is a negative first reaction, it may not be their ultimate response. If the person you contact does refuse contact initially, they could change their mind once they have had time to process and think through their decision. Some people do need more time than others.

An advantage of telephoning for that first contact is that it could be your one and only opportunity to speak to that person. If you send a letter, you may never hear their voice should there be a rejection. Another advantage of using the telephone for that first contact could be that hearing their birth family members voice could melt them instantly. Hearing a voice is more personal than receiving a letter.

Another advantage of first initiating contact by telephone is this. Once you determine that you have the correct person on the phone, there is no likelihood that they may be “found out” before they are ready and willing to tell others if they have not already done so.

If you decide to telephone first, you first need to verify that you have the right person. You might begin with something like, “I am looking for a person (or a relative) for whom the date (your birthday) has some meaning.” If you are contacting a birth mom, be prepared that she may or may not remember your birthday. Some birth mothers have blocked out the date in their minds. Therefore, even if the date does not trigger a reaction, it make not mean that you definitely have the wrong person.