To build a reunion relationship, you need to proceed slowly. When I spoke to my son on the phone that first time, we had a warm and congenial conversation. The words came easily for us. I think that he would agree.

Because our first contact was so positive, I was very enthusiastic and ready to shift into high gear with our relationship. I wanted closeness and a connection right away. Although I felt a connection immediately, it takes time to build a relationship, even when the two people are related. Those years apart is a barrier of sorts.

When I want something, I tend to charge ahead full speed and go for it. Patience has never been one of my finer qualities when I really want something badly. I quickly decided that I wanted to develop as good a relationship with my son as possible. In retrospect, I think I nearly overwhelmed him with my urgency to quickly incorporate him into my life.

However, I eventually discovered that I needed to slow things down a bit and not charge ahead quite so fast. I have heard some reunion relationships that start off with a bang, fizzle out and do not last. I was determined and committed to not letting that happen with us. Fortunately for me, my son was infinitely patient with me and my craziness that first year or so. I worked hard to try to rein myself in, and not overwhelm him. I eventually figured out that I needed to slow down. We needed to proceed at a pace that was comfortable for both of us. It took awhile to figure out in my mind what that pace needed to be.

The biggest complaint that I hear from birth moms is a desire for more contact, and I was no exception. When there is distance between you, that further complicates the issue. It does not allow you to start off contact slowly, maybe just with a lunch or cup of coffee. If you are flying to a distant city, you will generally want to spend a least a whole day or two together. For some, that amount of time may be too much. The distance issue is just one of many challenges that you face. Patience does pay off though!