Adoption is a multi-dimensional experience with aspects, good, bad and somewhere in between. It is inevitable at times to get mired in the complicated issues that adoption may present to us. Nowhere is this more applicable than at reunion.

There are issues to work on at reunion generally for both parties. For birth parents, it is common for them to be grieving their loss during reunion. Either they did not grieve enough initially or at all for various reasons. Our society has only recently even acknowledged that loss is present for birth parents and adoptees. Most birth parents do find themselves grieving their loss at the same time that their child comes back into their life.

Some birth parents have been so successful at denial and burying their feelings, (that was me) that they may not have even acknowledged how significant the loss of their child really was or how it affected them. There are many birth parents who go this route. For those of us who hide the whole adoption experience, reunion can be a rude awakening in some ways. We can no longer deny the truth, and must face and deal with it.

Consequently, birth parents' time at reunion is often split between grieving their loss and welcoming their child back into their lives. Trying to process two very different emotions at the exact same time is no small task. In fact, it can be very confusing, and overwhelming at times.

I believe that you need grieve your loss, cry, scream and do whatever you must. However, I caution you not to miss the joy of reunion as well. Reunion is a second chance that many are denied - an experience to savor and cherish. Don't miss out on the joy!