Things happen in life that are out of our control sometimes. We cannot always get what we want, when we want it. Giving birth and raising a child is a miraculous privilege. We cannot always entirely control when and if a woman becomes pregnant - it is a gift.

Women who are infertile know that getting pregnant and/or sustaining a pregnancy is not always possible. I wish that we did not lose sight of what a miracle a child can be even if the timing of a pregnancy may not fit one's timetable. There are valid reasons that adoption may be best for one's child. I am just not certain that because a baby's arrival doesn't mesh with one's timetable that placing that baby for adoption is the answer.

Women are encouraged to accomplish their goals, fulfill their dreams, and that is all positive. However, if a baby comes along when the timing is not right, we tell women that it is acceptable to give that baby to someone else to raise. Some believe that nothing should stop a young woman from accomplishing all that she desires.

We tell young women that when the timing is right, she can simply have another baby. Life doesn't work that way though. Secondary infertility is even more common in birth moms than in the general population. Babies come when a higher power deems that they will (with some help from us). Instead of rejecting the idea of parenting if the timing is inconvenient, I wish more women were encouraged to parent their children when the opportunity presents itself.

Many birth moms I know were counseled to place their babies for adoption so they could finish college. Some did, others were so destroyed by the loss of their child that many of their dreams fell by the wayside. The loss of their child was so much harder than they imagined. They realized in hindsight that fulfilling their goals could never make up for losing their children. I wonder why we ever believe that it can?

For a woman who is pregnant, and considering her options, I hope that she considers shifting her priorities. Maybe if she places a baby for adoption, there will be other babies in her future, maybe not. Nevertheless, babies are irreplaceable, and having another baby later, after placing one, never can make up for the one that you lost. Life just is not that simple. If we help create a baby, on purpose or not, shouldn't be embrace the chance to be a parent? Can't we shift our priorities for our baby's sake, and our own?