Searching yourself is definitely the most difficult, but can also be the most rewarding, choice. As I have said in previous blogs, the advantages are the cost, the ability to go at your own pace, take a break when you need to and ability to choose whether or not you want to make first contact.

For me, and I think many others, conducting your own search can be therapeutic. There are challenges along the way. What I found after I completed my search was that I enjoyed it, missed it, and chose to help others in their searches, and give back to the adoption community. In fact, it was two years after completing my search and finding a grave that I founded PARR. At first, part of my thought process was that I wanted to help others complete their searches and hopefully make a difference in just one persons life. I didn’t want anyone else to find a grave and if I could do something to make that difference I was going to try.

There are some disadvantages of doing your own search. They include the amount of time that is invested. Not just time but also emotionally. Another disadvantage is that it is difficult. I absolutely recommend that every individual pursue searching on their own and exhaust all other possibilities before making the decision to use another means of completing their search. It is possible that you will be able to complete your search on your own and on the flip side you may hit a brick wall. Either way, for the beginning states of an adoption search you, the searcher, are the most qualified and knowledgeable individual to carry it out. Beyond that, I believe that each person must weigh their time, commitments, emotional strength, and ability to deal with the frustration that you may face.

Keep in mind that if you choose the search services of an individual or company other than yourself it is important to obtain references before proceeding any further. The second thing is to sit down with the searcher and obtain a detailed description of what they will do, timelines, cost, and a way of updating you as they proceed. Don’t forget to inquire about what the fee structure and the procedure for refunds. Always obtain a written contract or agreement laying out the things you have discussed. I don’t think you should ever work with someone who requires an upfront fee unless sit is a partial fee considered to be a deposit and the contract spells out all the details. I would also check the fees you are quoted with the fees that other have had paid on their completed searches. Although they may differ it is important to keep in mind the particulars of your search, and the state laws your search will take place in. The best choice for you is the one that works for you, the one that you are comfortable with, and the one that works for your individual situation.