Those closely associated with adoption such as triad members and their friends and families know that its effects are felt pretty much on a regular basis for a lifetime. If you are involved in a search and support groups, mailing lists, or read blogs such as this you may have read about some of them.

Some of the issues may be low self esteem, or the feelings of being abandoned. Some adoptees may feel afraid that people are going to leave her, whether it is the men or women they date or the people they work with. Often times, many people fear sometime in their lives rejection or have felt badly about themselves for one reason or another. However, an adoptee has an unique issue that sets them apart from their peers – adoptees were not raised by their biological parents. Some adoptees spend a lot of time wondering why their birth parents placed them for adoption, and what their life may have been like if they had been raised by their birth parents. Some adoptees often times wonder if something was wrong with them from the state that caused them that caused them to be placed with other parents.

Some adoptees relate all of their issues or problems with the fact that they were adopted. Some feel that being adopted has not interfered with their life and hasn’t affected their life. I think that all adoptees whether they realize it or not face some sort of identity issues or feelings of loss at some point in their life. Whether it is during a life event such as graduation, marriage, birth of a child, or death of their adoptive parent(s). During these times, adoptees may wonder what their birth parents would say or would feel if they knew they had reached these milestones. I believe that a healthy place to be is realizing that adoption brings with it certain issues and being able to distinguish between an life issue and an adoption issue.

Adoption issues can be very difficult to work through on your own. It is helpful to have the support of family and friends. Some seek professional help to deal with the range of emotions and issues felt by having been adopted.

Dr. Schecter: a therapist who met with many adopted adults who came to him with complaints of depression, alcohol, or drug use, marital problems, or problems with their children. Frequently they were having difficulty maintaining intimate relationships. Dr. Schecter found that many adoptees wrestle with the concerns that adopted adults identify, including questions about identity and self esteem, feelings of abandonment, and an interest in obtaining information about their genetic background.

During adolescence, stabilizing one's identity is a huge task. For adoptees from the closed adoption era, the search for personal identity is complicated by the lack of information. They have questions that their adoptive parents may not be able to answer.

Then there is the physical resemblance. If the adoptee does not look like other family members this may bring up issues or feelings of isolation. Adoptees may feel and believe that their parents have settled for second best. No amount of reassuring can diminish what adopted persons perceive as a stunning difference. Fantasies may be developed, both positive and negative, about their birth family, and it may hamper the ability to move on with their lives.